Life is full of ups and downs, and sometimes, the emotional waves hit harder than we expect. Whether it’s overwhelming sadness, anxiety, frustration, or anger, the ability to tolerate distress without making things worse is a crucial skill. This is where distress tolerance comes in—a concept rooted in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) that helps us navigate difficult emotions without resorting to harmful coping mechanisms.

What Is Distress Tolerance?

Distress tolerance refers to our ability to endure emotional pain in the moment without impulsively reacting in ways that could harm us in the long run. It doesn’t mean suppressing emotions or pretending they don’t exist. Instead, it’s about acknowledging the pain, accepting it, and choosing how to respond.

For many, distressing emotions lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance use, self-harm, lashing out at others, or shutting down completely. Distress tolerance skills help us replace these behaviors with healthier strategies that allow us to ride out emotional storms safely.

Key Skills for Distress Tolerance

1. Radical Acceptance

One of the most powerful tools in distress tolerance is radical acceptance—fully acknowledging reality as it is, without trying to fight it. This doesn’t mean you approve of what’s happening, but rather that you stop resisting the pain, which can often make it worse.

Example: Instead of thinking, This shouldn’t be happening to me, try This is happening, and I can find a way to cope.

2. Distraction (The TIPP Skill)

When emotions are too intense, a short-term distraction can help you regain control. The TIPP skill includes:

T (Temperature): Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice cube to ground yourself.

I (Intense Exercise): Engage in quick, vigorous movement like jumping jacks or sprinting in place.

P (Paced Breathing): Slow down your breathing—inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four.

P (Progressive Muscle Relaxation): Tense and relax different muscle groups to release tension.

3. Self-Soothing with the Five Senses

Using your senses to comfort yourself can help regulate emotions. Try:

Sight: Look at calming images, nature, or soft lighting.

Sound: Listen to soothing music, nature sounds, or guided meditations.

Touch: Wrap yourself in a warm blanket, pet an animal, or take a hot bath.

Taste: Savor a comforting food or drink mindfully.

Smell: Use calming scents like lavender, vanilla, or peppermint.

4. Opposite Action

Sometimes, the best way to handle distress is to do the opposite of what your emotions urge you to do. If you feel like isolating yourself, reach out to a friend. If you feel like yelling, take a deep breath and speak calmly. Acting opposite to destructive impulses can shift your emotional state.

5. Meaning-Making & Perspective Shift

Ask yourself: Will this matter in a week? A month? A year? Often, intense emotions feel permanent, but they pass. Finding meaning in struggles—whether through journaling, gratitude, or reframing challenges as growth opportunities—can make distress easier to tolerate.

Final Thoughts

Distress tolerance isn’t about eliminating pain.It’s about managing it in a way that doesn’t add more suffering. Like any skill, it takes practice. But with time, you’ll find yourself more resilient in the face of life’s inevitable storms.

Next time you’re struggling, remember: emotions are like waves—they rise, peak, and fall. You are not the wave. You are the surfer, learning to ride it.